The Crusaders
by Heidi C
Summary: Join the adventure of Harry's kid, Ron's kid, Neville's kid and Slughorn's pet slug! Professor Boonlong is new at Hogwarts and she cannot believe the descendants of these famous are so... well, stupid. This is cool. Read and review it.
1. Divination

**Harry Potter Dribbles and Drabbles**

I don't own Harry Potter. Rowling does. If I do, I would have married Mr. Rowling.

Professor Boonlong was new this year. She had many things to learn about Hogwarts. Like children, money and fashion. She had first–years next class and oh how much she loathed them. She had been warned they were descendants of famous families who parents were Harry Potter and friends. She has yet to find similarities between these stupid children and they're legacy parents, or grandparents.

Time-wise, in order to have 'these stupid children': it has been years since Voldemort was pushed off a cliff and Harry Potter claimed victory. So he married Luna Lovegood and had babies. It was rumoured that one of these babies were in Professor Boonlong's class. But she wouldn't expect that baby to be a stupid first year.

Professor Boonlong wore a turban of white that wrapped up like a McDonald's vanilla ice cream cone, veiling her pitch black hair. Her skin was dark, and tanned so it was darker, and darker than dark and dark of tan tanned dark. She remembered her first day;

"Are you Preffsheser Quiffle?" (Mind you, those stupid children can't pronounce either. She thought eleven-year-olds were at least sane.)

Of course, Professor Boonlong paused in her tracks. Her… a physical remnant of that imbecile professor! No way! She cleared her throat.

"No, Neil… I'm not."

With a finger in his mouth and she noticed freckles sprinkled over his face, he ran away snuffling. "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, she is Preffsheessor Quifffffthle!"

A blonde boy with sharp and exotic features stepped forward and his arm stretched to his right side. Neil ran straight towards it and he fell backwards with a loud _thump_!

"Malvin!" I yelled and then it was then it started as 'Professor B's chaotic Divination classes'.

Today was going to be no different. Professor Boonlong sighed.

"Hello Professoooor!" The first deprived child chirped, entering the room.

She smiled weakly. "Hello Louis."

Now, this boy wasn't deprived. He was actually very smart, despite knowing Neville was his father. Next came a group of friends.

"Hello Van, Lisa and Ebony!" Professor Boonlong tried after Louis got her hopes up. Neither of them answered. Half of the class was in before someone even began to say anything to her. Professor Slughorn walked pass and saw her dejected face. He opened his mouth to say words of encouragement but it gaped when he saw Mercedes showing off her belly dancing. Professor Boonlong mouthed 'I'm sorry'.

"Ahah! Hullo, prof!"

"Ahah! Hullo, proff!"

Karla hit her twin on the head. "You put an extra 'ff' sound in!" She growled as Karton rubbed his head. "If you want to be like those tv twins, we have to talk with at the same tiiime, corrreeeccctttlllyyyy!"

Karton nodded and was forced to continue walking because his slightly older sister had tied two of their legs together, three-legged-race style in determination to be a stereotypical, 'tv' twin. They were as different as eggs and chickens…

"Um, hello Karla, Karton." Professor Boonlong sympathised as she saw Karton limp, trip over, limp, limp, trip over, undid the string, trip over nothing, then sat down at the desk next to his sister.

"Alright, class. Let's start. Ge–"

"HAH! Sorry I'm late, miss!" A black-haired boy cried as he skidded into the room. It was a cool effect, the woman had to admit, but his glasses fell and he crunched it with his foot. Wincing, he tentatively lifted his foot, picked them up and scurried towards Neil and Louis.

That boy was Thomas. He was the cause of trouble, most of the time. Take;

Thomas managed to burn Neil's robe and being the alert boys, didn't notice his robe was on fire until they both realised he was naked. Malvin, being ever so friendly to his best friend, Thomas' friend, cast a spell so Neil thought he wasn't wearing any clothes for the rest of the lesson. At first, Professor Boonlong hadn't noticed he had been hexed.

"Hurry up," she tutted as Thomas rummaged in his bag to find his homework like the majority of the class. Taking out the book, he set it on the table and in his utter stupidity, unbuckled the book entitled –

"THE MONSTER BOOK OF MOOONSTERRRSSS!" Lucia screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The whole class screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Professor Boonlong screamed.

Thomas cowered under his desk, and being popular, every one else copied him as the book snapped around on the desk. Professor Boonlong slowly crept up from under her desk then she gasped as Louis bravely pointed his wand at the book.

"No… Louis!"

Louis' eyebrows knitted.

"RAWR RAWR RAWR." Went the book.

_Psshzt!_

…

"Hey… The Monster Book of Monsters is dead!" Someone moaned and bolted up. There were cries.

Professor Boonlong sighed as she watched the children give The Monster Book of Monsters a funeral ceremony, Neil leading the way as the other half of the class condemned Louis to thirty years in jail.

As everyone slowly crept onto their feet to mourn or accuse, one stayed under his desk. Professor Boonlong rolled her eyes and stared at Thomas. His small frame was still shivering, arms wrapped around his legs despite the comfort of his Hufflepuff robe. His green eyes were stroked by locks of hair but they shone wide with fear. His pupils slowly dilated as he slow relief overcame him.

Professor walked in front of her desk to contradict her thoughts, and admit this generation born a weak boy. She outstretched her arm to the Potter who took it eagerly.

Well, I hope you like it! Please read and review.


	2. Slughorn

**Chapter 2 Slughorn**

Professor Boonlong hated Slughorn with a fascination. She admired him for being in Hogwarts for so long without being a) hurt by the dark lord b) hurt by the students c) killed by the dark lord and d) killed by the students. The hate part came when she realised he was her dad.

It went like this;

"…"

"…"

And that was it. The last time they conversed was when Slughorn saw Mercedes belly dancing and Professor Boonlong mouthed an apology. Gee, great way to bond with your dad. Though not as important right now. She helped Thomas up – a much more important given that she touched the son of the-boy-who-lived (whose name has expanded to)-and-pushed-he-who-must-not-be-named-off-a-cliff-and-claimed-victory-so-married-Luna-Lovegood. Thus, everyone knew_ his_ story. Professor Boonlong mumbled. "You alright, Thomas?"

"Yes, I'm alright Mrs."

Professor Boonlong paused. "Pardon? …"

"_Yes, I am alright Mrs._"

Professor Boonlong saw Louis slap himself on the forehead. Thomas' stupidity. She pursed her lips. "Are you _suggesting_ something, Thomas!"

Thomas backed a way, a little by little. That sneak! "N-no… Mrs."

"There! You said it again!" She snapped back.

"What! It's not as if I asked you if I could have your money."

Professor Boonlong re-pocketted a fifty dollar note. "Shut! You said _Mrs_!" She was very touchy on this subject. "So… what makes you think _I'm_ _married_?" He better not think she was married to Slughorn! Eew… he was her _dad_! She cringed.

Thomas bit the side of his mouth. Blunt and truthful. Blanching avalanche-style and Professor Boonlong couldn't ski. "I thought you married Professor Quirrel."

Professor Boonlong thwacked Thomas on the head. She made her way behind her table, muttering a hundred and three ways to kill cool Thomas Potter.

Thomas frowned and grasped at his sore spot as he tucked his chair closer to his desk. So did the other kids. Louis, though, was trapped. Professor Boonlong groaned. "Get Louis out."

"But he has to stay there for thirty years."

"_Out_!"

Lucia slid pass and slowly unwrapped Mummy Louis from his sticky-tape hold. Professor Boonlong wiped a mocking finger across her sad, sad eye. Quill ink lined the bottom rim of her eye. These witches and wizards were _really_ stupid first-years. Instead of hexing him, they actually got her roll of permanent sticky tape and _strapped_ with the _sticky tape _Louis onto the back wall. Perfect view. Really, lovely. Permanent sticky tape, haha. Well, it was funny. Haha… permanent sticky tape. Hahahaa! That's actually quite smart… it being permanent sticky tape. Oh… shit.

Lucia had ripped off the tape off Louis' ankles when she began to struggle around his torso. She gulped. "U-uh oh… he's stuck!"

By then, Professor Boonlong had announced she had to go to the toilet. So she did. Of course, leaving the class all by themselves. "Cool!" Malvin laughed, wringing his hands and actually forming a shallow puddle on his desk.

"Cool!" Karla snatched the leftover sticky tape she had been eyeing and wrapped it around her and her brother's ankle. Tape was far more adhesive and effective than string.

"Cool!" Neil squealed and pointed and Louis writhing about in his tape cocoon.

Lucia giggled. "Woow… you look really… _suggestive_ doing that."

Immediately aware that Lucia had not understood how what she had just said, and probably picked that word up from the streets of Professor Boonlong, he let that go. But the fact that it still sounded really wrong, he stopped squirming and resulted in comforting himself by twitching. Sometimes it was a burden to be smarter than kids your age.

Lucia giggled, noticing the twitch. Some of the other children had less good things to do. Like Van picked his nose as he watched Mercedes continue her dancing. Eventually, Professor Boonlong returned with a smirk.

"Hello children.'

Heads whipped towards a knife-handling teacher. A total of twenty eyes goggled. Half of them, Hufflepuffs, were either about to cry, finding escape routes or pee. Thomas was doing all three at once because he thought Professor Boonlong was going to kill him. He held up The Monster Book of Monsters and threw it in front of her. She narrowed her eyes. Well, the sacrifice was worth trying. Thomas shivered as Professor Boonlong closed in on him.

Then she walked pass towards Louis he began his exotic 'I'm-a-cocoon' dance again in hope to break free from the psycho advancing towards him. Professor Boonlong sighed then cut the tape to free the boy. She pried the material off his mouth. He blurted:

"Why didn't you use magic?"

Well, Professor Boonlong didn't know why she didn't use magic.

"Because I'm cool." She replied and walked away. Louis hopped and hobbled to his seat, tape still binding him together, fell into seat, which sadly remained next to Lucia. Who giggled. Louis rolled his eyes and opened his book with his free elbow.

"Alright, kiddos. Um… open up page… uuh, what was homework again… thirty-six!"

They did so.

"So… who did their homework?"

No one did so.

Professor Boonlong rubbed her forehead, unaware she was rubbing even more ink onto her face from her fingers. Malvin, Conan and Foil covered their mouths. The teacher continued. "Whatever. Children, do it now. Like. _Now_." She wanted to bang her head on her table. Everyone began scribbling whatever made sense with _How you can tell when you need to go to the toilet according to your horoscope_. Louis thought it was utter stupidity because you go to the toilet whenever you need to, but Thomas and Neil fell for it like chauvinistic pigs. They wrote down whenever they went to the toilet and if it was aligned with their representative planets. Apparently, Neil's planet was Pluto which is always the aligned with the so-called 'Neil's other representative' Gastritix so according to page thirty-six Neil should feel like going to the toilet every five minutes.

And that's exactly what he did.

Except there was no point saying when he exactly went every five minutes or no one would appreciate this. I tell, you… _no one_. Not even Professor Boonlong asked him where he was going ever five minutes. So no point of its mention every paragraph. The weak-bladder boy crookedly stood up. Smiling at Professor Boonlong, he walked out of the classroom. Going to the toilet every five minutes always opened a gateway of opportunity. Because Neil wasn't the son of Hermione Granger for nothing.

**I WANT REVIEWS.**


	3. Fountain

**Chapter 3 Fountain**

Neil casual walked out, then immediately rubbed his hands in malicious planning. He took out Thomas' invisibility cloak and lost weight drastically in the belly area. Thomas had been wondering why he had gained 5 kilograms when Neil only ate peas and corn. Previously, Neil had stuffed the cloak further up his body but when it made Mrs McGonagal faint, he thought better and shoved it down elsewhere. Then putting the cloak at his rear end was just as bad for it twice as emphasized 'Longbottom'.

Wow… how cool! Neil smoothed the cloak. He was a sneak, thief and a Longbottom! Neil cheered and skipped through the corridors and up the stairs and pass Professor Udgeditch and up another set of stairs. Before the last turn of steps, he slipped a black wig on, covering his chestnut hair. His brown eyes blinked and stared the fat lady veiling the entrance of the common room. She hadn't spotted him so he cast the cloak off and ambled towards her, Gryffindor-like.

"CHILD WHAT ARE YOU DOING H-HERE?"

Wow. She was loud.

"I need my puffer!" Neil made a constipated face.

"Oh okay. PASSWORD?"

Neil grinned stupidly. He'd watched this so many times that he knew those stupid, careless Gryffindor's passwords.

"ASPALAGASSIOUSO!" He screamed 'Open Sesame' fashion.

"AND?" The fat lady demanded. After Malvin managed to enter the Ravenclaw's dorms, the paintings were taught to accept a series of passwords. As expected, Malvin and his crew wrecked havoc and managed to stamp 'I'M A CORN PUFF' on all the Ravenclaw's foreheads. Professor Udgeditch resolved it by sticking bits of invisibility cloaks on the children's foreheads but it was semi-permeable and you could see pass their skin and into their brains. Snape took advantage of it and taught his potions class parts of the brain.

Haha… Neil stifled a laugh as he saw the fat lady turn. She blinked. Neil continued:

"Aspedodeotallithanius. Yogutraowrquilladelphia. Tofuisreallynictoeatgoeatit. Dudeweoiqnl iwoeujwioe DLFJ sirueir SRIAEWPROIEW oieroer wpaoeiOPSIRAEOR qpo3i2940JO IEJIORUWRP111! 000 !" Neil screamed punched the air. Then coughed to emphasize the precious 'I need a puffer' act.

"WOPRIWEROP laaarrhh." The fat lady offered.

"WROUIRE 0092 GO AWEZ STOOPID LALA RA RA RA." The boy conversed, shook his fists and replied. "RAR har har go get RAC insurance. u so st00pid n00b harhar i crash n burm my c4r 2 uuu b1gbum ARJ587 wioeuwqoei WI. 11! 1"

"Alright. Wotw. I love you too." The fat lady opened up the gates to his goal. Neil smiled and entered the room. _Slam!_

Neil sighed and took out his puffer. Took seven deep puffs. 1… 2… 4… 7… Okay. The common room gave a gracious warm golden glow. Neil glanced around. And gaped.

He wanted to be in Gryffindor! It had tables, candles and toilet paper… plus curtains, moss on the floor and… he stomped the bathroom tiles… STAR FISH TOILET SEATS! He bet they had foam beds too. And all probably because of all the publicity Harry Potter and friends gained… spoilt brats. Why couldn't HE be in Gryffindor…? He whined and spotted a disco ball that further sunk his ship. He was dearly reminded all the Hufflepuffs got was a hobo night-light.

Anyway… where was _that thing_?

Oh, a light switch. Click! He SHRIEKED at the blinding disco ball's light and ran to the next room, dark. Gloomy… aah… perfect place to put _it_. He ran through his admirable aim in jovial hope to muster courage: Thomas' birthday was coming up and anyone who wanted to be cool had to give him the coolest birthday present ever! And Neil knew just exactly what it was. Plus, if he got it, it would bring them two, and maybe Louis, together. _The Marauder's Map_. He grinned. Neil knew it was in the Gryffindor dormitory somewhere. The professors had it encased there as it was an important part of Hogwart's history. He bet though the current Gryffindors had really no care and probably kept it somewhere as good as next to a toilet without no star fish toilet seats. Neil began to snicker, revelling at his delicious plan of success and popularity. … Neil… Thomas… Louis… _we could be, like, the knew Marauders!_ He chortled and gurgled. Hiccup…

"Huhu… huhu… huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu." Suppose it was his evil laughter. Neil began to run, excitement of the possible future and his hands swept the dark.

"HHWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

He doubled-over and fell out of an open window.

"And that was how Neil Timothy Longbottom died." Louis lighed, a Bible to his chest.

"You're not very religious." Neil pouted. Of course, he is alive and had been hobbling beside him on crutches despite his two broken wrists.

"Well, you're not a very safe boy." Louis rolled his eyes and adjusted his gas mask. "To yourself. Or to people around you." Geesh, I'm not SARS or anything. Neil rolled his eyes, secretly

Neil groaned, moaned and scorched a scorn look on his face. That crossed Louis off his possible list of friends, right? … He thinks he's a hazard! Nu-uh… Unbeknown to him, Malvin had stamped corrosive signs all over his back. Hey! It was true when you see pus dribbling down Neil's left leg.

"Where's your cast?" Thomas had stuck his nose in the air, then pinched it when he realised the stench was even more gnawing up there.

"Um… no need for that one." Neil had replied meekly, then screamed because Thomas had sprayed deodorant on the green wound. Thomas was pretty much lost from 'Possible Friends' list, too. Afterall, Neil looked despicable so it was clear handsome freak Potter would stay away.

As if reading his thoughts, Lucia empathised the only weird way she could converse; "Who would want a friend that looked like a retarded capsicum?" Lucia scrunched her nose and walked away. Neil watched her black, long ponytail get caught in the fountain. She screamed and Neil decided not to help her.

Neil just stared at Thomas' back.

Thomas was walking, snorting and laughing around – and attracting a group of girls.

"Birthday's coming up." A shy girl voiced.

"Yep." Thomas chirped.

"Aaaw… I hope I get an invite!" She giggled and prodded him.

"Um…" He gave a flirtatious look.

"So Thomas… what do you like doing?" She asked.

Thomas winked and laughed. "Talking."

The girl blushed. "Taking to who?"

"You." Thomas rippled his eyebrows.

Oh gosh. Neil choked.

"YOU DIT!" Another girl shrieked and slapped Thomas.

"Hwaaat?"

"You said you liked talking to _ME_!" The girl whined. And the other girl, gasp and pushed her into the fountain. RAWR. Neil and Thomas got some popcorn. Sitting on a wooden bench and watching the girls, they sighed.

Louis shuffled towards Lucia, avoiding a body slam from one of the fighting girls. "Um. Need help?"

The girl's eyes were watery and she was biting her trembling bottom lip.

"Um. Okay." He whiffed his wand and her glasses were restored upon the bridge of her nose. That made Lucia silent. "Oh, and anyway, I don't think I can tear your hair from the fountain unless I do a cutting spe–"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And so that's why Louis would spent the next half hour prying his enemy's lock of hair from the mechanical wrath of Hogwarts ornaments.

Now watching an act of compassion and an act of violence present at the water fountain, professors were constantly giving the four houses voluptuous amounts of points. "Ever so symbolic!" Professor McGonagall clapped.

"Ever so extremes of two parallel emotions!" Slughorn chortled before awarding them all eight-hundred-and-sixty-two points and going to his class.

"NICE BUTT WOOHOOO!" Snape shut up.

The two boys 'ooohed' when there was a nasty scratch and sympathised with 'oh, that poor ol' charm!' when the attacker broke her nail. They were gaping at awesome judo drunken technique when Neil couldn't believe his eyes no more.

"Hey, Neil. Here's an invitation." Thomas' eye lids were half closed, masking his peacock orbs so Neil didn't really know if he was bluffing or sleep-talking. So he didn't really _believe his eyes no more_.

Neil took the piece of paper tentatively. "Uuh… okay." And Thomas said nothing. So it had to be authentic! Suddenly, Neil felt bad… very bad. He failed to get his possible friend's birthday present… _I have to try again!_ _Let it be… tomorrow lunch time_, he would attempt again and this time, step triumphant on that stupid, open window! Wait, if he stepped on it, he would probably fall out again. Okay, he'll just kick it.

Bolting up with a sudden, new-found energy, and Thomas happily following as if he wanted to make Neil feel better about himself all along, the boys made their way to their potions class.

"Hey, guys!" Louis called half-desperately as he discovered a sailor's knot in Lucia's hair.

"Yeah, Louis. We got your back!" Thomas gave him a thumbs up.

Perhaps these three boys have a secret bond that hasn't properly revealed itself. And Thomas seemed like he was on top of all of this… _that's right_, he thought with a smile. In his back pack, it wasn't just the Monster Book of Monsters… potion notes… undone homework… he now carried Professor's Boonlong permission and advice on his back: that he should make a sort of club… a group of worthy, yet perhaps different than the norm, boys… and under the layer of stuff, there were three shirts that were scrawled by Boonlong herself '_THE CRUSADERS_'.


End file.
